Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Diaper

Naomi at GIRLCORE Teen Movie

I’m wearing a diaper. You know those diapers designed for old people who can’t hold their poop in? One of those. And to be honest, I don’t know how fond of it I am. For one, it’s not very flattering. It makes my butt look massive. Secondly, whenever I move it makes this crunching sound, like as if I’m hiding my own illicit stash of plastic bags inside my vagina. And to make things worse, it’s not even that comfortable. I have to waddle a bit when I walk. All in all I would have to say this diaper is a massive disappointment. I can only hope that by the time I’m old and incontinent the diaperologists of the world will have made advances in human-waste-absorboration-technology, because this is just downright unacceptable.

I’m wearing the diaper because I have my period. I got it earlier this afternoon. I was having a nice, peaceful nap on my boyfriend’s dad’s bed, only to awake to find my vagina blood had exploded everywhere and created a massive bloodstain on his immaculate, white satin sheets. Bad vibes. I then quickly and sneakily put the sheets into the washing machine, saying a little prayer to God along the way. Dear God, please can you remove my thick vaginal excretions from my boyfriend’s dad’s bed sheets? Pretty, pretty please? I don’t think I could handle it if it stained. I know it’s natural, and that I shouldn’t be embarrassed because it’s something all women undergo, but if I’m being honest, I think the whole period thing is pretty fucking sick. Maybe you should give that one a second thought??? Just a suggestion. Amen. I doubt he’ll listen. God can be a total bastard sometimes.

In high school I always had really mild periods. Unlike my friend Ashton, who literally bled all over anything and everything. From ninth grade onward everyone knew her as “that bitch with the heavy flow.” Her tag line was, “Wait… did I, like, get my period all over myself?” I swear her mother came into class at least once a month to bring her a new pair of clothes after she soaked hers in her own uterine lining. Just few months ago, her lung collapsed and she had to have surgery to fix it. She got her period in the middle of the procedure and bled all over the operating table. I keep reminding myself of these events to downplay the whole white satin sheet disaster. I’m not sure if it’s helping.

After searching the house unsuccessfully for tampons, I was contemplating whether to create a makeshift pad out of toilet paper, or to just shove a sock in my underwear (It actually works. I read about it in Seventeen Magazine), when my boyfriend walked in to find me distressed.

“I got my period all over everything and there are no tampons,” I said, frantically.

“Umm… I think we might have some old sanitary towels of my grandma’s,” he said, looking mildly disgusted. He returned five minutes later, his hands full of white cotton.

“This is not a sanitary towel,” I said, lifting the garment close to my face for inspection. “This is a diaper. I will not wear this.”

“Just try it,” he said. “Who knows? It might be sexy.” That is so fucked up, I thought. I swear, there is something infinitely creepy about this guy. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know him at all. Just the other day, while we were making out, he pulled away from me, looked deep into my eyes and said, “I would still love you if you were a boy.” I don’t know what that means exactly, but I have a funny feeling it has something to do with him wanting to stick his penis inside boys’ buttholes.

Either way, I had no other options, so I surrendered to the freak and am now wearing a pair of Maximum Dignity disposable underwear. God, am I feeling sexy. Oh, and keep this to yourselves, will you?

This is an excerpt from the blog Slutever

14 comments:

Abi Makes Music said...

i enjoyed this.
maybe you should read some of my blogs, just for fun y' know...
http://myspace.com/abimakesmusic
http://myspace.com/getoffmygarden

not particularly the best website to link oneself from is it...but hey..

penis.

eco lodges said...

Hi friend amazing blog about The Diaper, is very creative and very professional information I like to learn more about the subject further, I am collecting new information to add to your blog

Anonymous said...

terrykele dating http://loveepicentre.com/faq.php dating website for dog owners

Anonymous said...

[url=http://loveepicentre.com/success_stories.php][img]http://loveepicentre.com/uploades/photos/3.jpg[/img][/url]
teen dating picture [url=http://loveepicentre.com/faq.php]popular dating site on web[/url] dating service marketing slogan
steve harvey dating [url=http://loveepicentre.com/testimonials.php]micheal phelps dating carrie underwood[/url] dating time
online dating professionals [url=http://loveepicentre.com/]ffree oral sex dating[/url] anime dating game sim

Anonymous said...

[url=http://loveepicentre.com/][img]http://loveepicentre.com/uploades/photos/7.jpg[/img][/url]
dating women in chile [url=http://loveepicentre.com/articles.php]pittsburgh internet dating[/url] online dating new york
canadian adult dating site [url=http://loveepicentre.com/success_stories.php]fun sex dating local coeds[/url] levels of a dating
kristen stewart and robert pattison dating [url=http://loveepicentre.com]dating is she interested signs[/url] successful body language dating

Anonymous said...

ebook wrestling just one step http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/fr/Embedded-Computer-Systems-Architectures-Modeling-and-Simulation-7th-International-Workshop-SAMOS-2007-Samos-Greece-July-16-19-2007-Computer-Science-and-General-Issues/p209107/ ebook paul bernardo scarborough rapist [url=http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/Photoshop-For-Right-Brainers-The-Art-of-Photomanipulation/p162774/]ebook free download j r stampfl[/url] esol ebook

Anonymous said...

tbor 15 c software http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/de/product-36195/Microsoft-Windows-7-Ultimate-x64-Spanish ge centricity medical software [url=http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/it/category-100-107/Programmazione-e-creazione?page=4]computer software storage boxes[/url] snapview infrared software
[url=http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/product-37170/VeryDOC-PowerPoint-Converter-2-0]VeryDOC PowerPoint Converter 2.0 - Software Store[/url] bluetooth headset software vista
[url=http://buyoemsoftware.co.uk/es/product-25726/Adobe-Creative-Suite-4-Design-Premium][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/8.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

skip tracing software repossession http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/fr/category-2/Affaires?page=14 blocker free pop software [url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/fr/product-37105/Alabe-Reports-Personal-Numerology-1-1]show internet connetion status software[/url] workforce central software
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/es/category-200-212/Multimedias-y-entretenimiento]Multimedias y entretenimiento - Cheap Legal OEM Software, Software Sale, Download OEM[/url] wood framing software
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/es/product-36257/EASEUS-Todo-Backup-Server-2-0][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/1.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

acrobat 6.0 software http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/product-35742/Davis-Business-Systems-BS1-General-Ledger-2011 book catalogue software [url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/es/product-33403/Adobe-Creative-Suite-5-Design-Premium-MAC]best software torrent sites[/url] best computer software for canon zr800
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/fr/category-100-102/Affaires]Affaires - Software Store[/url] sierra software sciences corporation
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/category-13/Music-Software?page=1][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/2.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

os software package http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/fr/product-17963/Mellel-2-2-Mac grab jpg software [url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/product-27573/Cisco-VPN-Client-5-0]computer back up software[/url] work shift scheduling software
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/product-36817/Emurasoft-EmEditor-Professional-11-0-x64-MULTILINGUAL]Emurasoft EmEditor Professional 11.0 x64 MULTILINGUAL - Download OEM, Software Sale, OEM Software[/url] garmin 18 to microsoft mappoint software
[url=http://buysoftwareonline.co.uk/es/product-37280/TreeGenerator-2-0][img]http://buyoem.co.uk/image/2.gif[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/mobic.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/5.jpg[/img][/url]
abbey pharmacy http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/cefadroxil.htm abbott labs internship pharmacy [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/tretinoin-cream-0-025-.htm]odon pharmacy indiana[/url]
pharmacy schools http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/kamasutra-intensity-condoms.htm rop online pharmacy review [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/retin-a-0-05-.htm]retin a 0 05 [/url]
states medicaid pharmacy dispensing fees http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/biaxin.htm augmentin online pharmacy [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/atacand.htm]clinical pharmacy standards[/url]
no prescription pharmacy online http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/catalogue/h.htm westchester pharmacy [url=http://certifiedpharmacy.co.uk/products/medrol.htm]medrol[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/lexapro.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/11.jpg[/img][/url]
oncall pharmacy germany http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/tetracycline.htm celexa pharmacy online [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/vantin.htm]plastic dram pharmacy vial[/url]
school of pharmacy in tennessee http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/categories/antibiotics.htm reference guide for pharmacy tech exam by manan shroff [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/actos.htm]actos[/url]
oklahoma state board of pharmacy http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/acai.htm accreditation bodies pharmacy programs [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/viagra-soft-tabs.htm]example pharmacy entrance essay[/url]
rose pharmacy philippines http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/zantac.htm pharmacy programs at universities in florida [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/sublingual-viagra.htm]sublingual viagra[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/fml-forte.htm][img]http://onlinemedistore.com/5.jpg[/img][/url]
jackrabbit pharmacy http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/coumadin.htm alprazolam online pharmacy [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/grifulvin-v.htm]morris pharmacy philadelphia pa[/url]
pharmacy pill identification http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/lotensin.htm herbal pharmacy [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/nolvadex.htm]nolvadex[/url]
alprazolam florida no prescription pharmacy fedex delivery http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/baclofen.htm board of pharmacy vi [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/furosemide.htm]cvs pharmacy tech starting pay[/url]
after hours pharmacy coverage http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/catalogue/d.htm pentoxyifylline pet pharmacy [url=http://englandpharmacy.co.uk/products/dulcolax.htm]dulcolax[/url]

Anonymous said...

filipina dating secretss http://loveepicentre.com/ teen dating pics
free online dating wichita kansas [url=http://loveepicentre.com/map/]searching for dating site[/url] big beautiful women dating ohio
american dating online personals single [url=http://loveepicentre.com/advice/]dating king saxophones[/url] australia dating online [url=http://loveepicentre.com/user/willyboy/]willyboy[/url] who is dylan sprouse dating