Making friends and influencing people: part I the bouncing baffoon

by Arabgirl 15, Arabcore


Kay so I’m at an industry Christmas party, having it large with a bunch of advertising/production types... Meandering through the crowd I’m grabbed by a very excitable young man... we do the standard intro, “Hey, what's your name, what d’you do and where d’you work...?” Held captive and kinda bored, I agree to dance. T’was fun until he got even more excited and started bouncing up and down, I contemplated joining in, but a little voice in my head reminds me IM NOT A DICK...

Anywayz - soon after I make my escape… As boyo is about to leave he comes to bid me farewell, he’s off to South America till Feb, he says and promises to look me up on his return…

Cut to late Feb when I get the call… I agree to a lunch later that week. He wants curry I want low carb, blah blah, we decide on sushi, I offer a destination, he offers another and that we should meet beforehand at Patisserie Valerie on Wardour Street (before what hand I wonder we only have an hour?!)

Cut to day of meet, rushing to Oxford St I discover a voicemail “let’s meet at something something(?!) gallery on Old Compton Street” he says… It's 1.10, we only have till 2. I jump in a cab to OCS and pace the length of it in search of this unheard of gallery, repeatedly calling his VOICEMAIL... 1.27, still no gallery - still no call. I'm pissed and hungry... finally he grows some brain cells and leaves whatever non-receptive pit he’s in to call... “I’m in PATISSERIE VALERIE on Old Compton Street” he say’s... OMG - how on earth am I supposed to figure that out - fuckwit?

He comes to collect me and double WHAMMY he’s a minger… I obviously had my vodka specs on that night…

25mins left before boyo has to dash, looking around trying to find a venue… I make a suggestion – it gets ignored... hawk eye spots another patisserie, we go in, they sell PIZZA and CAKES, he looks at me like will you eat pizza, erm let me just ask Dr Atkin? I give him the killer look and offer him a choice, “You eat if you want…” I say. I don't know what I was expecting to hear but, a slice of pizza and 2 mint teas wasn't it...

He sits, all happy with himself saying "oh that’s just what I fancy..." So there I am sitting in a stupid Patisserie, starving, sipping DRIED mint tea, watching him eat pizza whilst waffling on and on about his trip to India (?), his stupid film, film festivals its entered, and then a little bit more about him... only point of interest being that we have a mutual friend - Christine... (The same Christine who later tells me that A) hot stepper actually lives with his girlfriend... and B) prides himself on wooing all the girls with his lightning moves...)

I get a window to speak so I mention a short film I’m making, he strums a few ideas my way being a DP an’all... 3 minutes pass…

Finally time is up, he gets up to pay, the bill’s £8... He turns to me, flustered and admits he’s £6 short?! Go figure... he’s lucky that I’m better than this and I give him the cashola... Not content with his current performance, he attempts to justify his pikey-ass by delivering the line "oh well I guess my ideas weren't free after all" snorting gleefully…

A few airkisses and promises of future encounters later, I manage to make my escape AGAIN - still hungry and pissed off I go to the cashpoint to get money TO BUY MY LUNCH…

Late, I arrive back at the office ready to forget the whole thing – and what do I find? An email from dickDP@google.com, ”We were so busy talking concepts I forgot to ask, who out of your lovely directors you could hook me up with?”
Mint tea anyone?